Puzzle River
by Lumi75
Summary: Matt's last day at the orphanage.
1. Chapter 1

FIC: PUZZLE RIVER 1/5 

Title: Puzzle River Part 1 of 5: Competition

Fandom: Death Note

Characters: Near, Matt

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,600

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, characters belong to Ohba and Obata.

Summary: Matt decides to teach Near a lesson about the trouble in Wammy's House caused by extreme competition.

"You fool!" was Near's first thought when he learnt that one of the kids at Wammy's House had overdosed on sleeping pills and died. It was not unknown for the orphans to self-destruct, but they usually did it years after they got out. This was the first time someone so young had killed herself at the institute. A worrisome trend.

His chest tightened. Nevertheless he could see no point in feeling grief, though the others might need some time to mourn. After 10 minutes of absolute silence, he formalized his plan and phoned Roger.

The dying rays of the setting sun stained the chapel blood-red as the children assembled for the emergency vigil. Candles flickered into light one-by-one, passed from hand to hand. An expectant hush settled on the crowd when Near appeared on the threshold but his only response was to meet their eyes glumly, solemnly, with robot clasped to his chest. Other than increased eye-contact, Near's gestures had not altered after his succession. Silently, he approached the front row bench and sat down.

Near steeled himself against the muffled sobs and angry voices of the crowd by pulling out a Rubic's cube and twisting it deftly. Within seconds he felt the surface of his mental lake become mirror calm and lock into his habitual state of meditative alertness.

A tall shadow with seasoned sneakers darkened the flagstones in front of him. He could feel the bench sink and creak as Matt slouched wearily into the backrest beside him. Then Matt hunched forward and gazed at him softly.

"Near, I'm really sorry to hear about the kid, but I couldn't help thinking -- she practically worshipped you. Do you think you could have done something to prevent it?"

Near's fingers paused for a second, before resuming methodically. His nose wrinkled at the memory the sour sweat of the 15 year old he met in the hallway a few days ago. She looked at him as if desperate for approval, and he calculated that her percentage of dependency and depression seemed to be very high in addition to dark, repressed energy. A worrisome attitude.

"Can I help you?" Near had asked out of a sense of duty, but frowning a little in annoyance at the interruption. The girl dropped her deer-like gaze, splashed some tears onto the carpet and bolted. Near had sighed in relief and immediately dismissed the incident...which was a mistake.

He hated to admit it, but he had made a mistake caused by his main strength, or rather weakness of diligence.Can nobody understand how his heart had been flying like an arrow straight to his target, Kira, since the dreadful moment in Roger's office two years ago? Time and space meant only the forking paths that continually narrowed down closer and closer to his prey, his enemy, his vengeance.

"No. No Matt. I cannot. No one knows my limitations better than myself. But I have proposed the remedy. That is all I can do."

"You're wrong Near. I think you can do better than that. Anyone can. It's not just her, but those other kids, cracking left, right and center, as if Kira were in their midst.He grinned at a sudden thought In that case wouldn't it make you Kira?"

"Why do you think I am involved in the children's mental breakdown?"

Matt had a wry, open look as he explained. "You're a natural, so you may or may not notice, but the competition you inspire is intense. Just by being who you are you inspire fears of inferiority.

Near lifted one eyebrow critically. "A novel concept-- for weak minds. It's our own responsibility, and no one else's -- to survive on what we've got. We try to hone what we've got to a jewel, not depend on the external."

"You can hardly call these kids weak-minded for cracking under this environment Near! Sixty geniuses in a hothouse is the extreme end of evolution! Its not a mental thing! No one thinks about competing to the death with someone else, but we all do it. We can't help it! We do it because in this game, sixty of us is gathered here in one room, and there can only be one winner!"

If anything, it's the rule of number one that has to change," Matt mused.

Matt's voice then became more intent. "Just a simple suggestion, Near. The kids here hang on to your words. Just relate to them a little, ok? These kids are dying for some warmth from you."

Near glanced steadily at Matt, eyes amused with a twitch of irony on his lips.

"No, I disagree. And you'll see, I don't have to be accommodating in any way at all, and I can still save more lives than someone bending over backwards to play nice."

Matt's mouth hung open in outrage and he was about to retort but at that moment Roger appeared on stage to make his announcement. His long-suffering face appeared papery and deeply creased above the flickering orange bushels of votive candles. But when he spoke, his voice held a deep conviction that captured the students.

"Today is a tragic day in the history of our school. Let us observe a minute of silence."

"Our founder, Quillish Wammy, aimed to build up the resiliency and resourcefulness of our students through competition, but what he envisioned is nothing like what I see today. I see competition at its most childish level, at a win-lose situation where the winner rules over the loser. I see students become hermits. I see students disheartened because they cannot be number one. But number one is a brief illusion that is quickly shattered. What is real and lasting is our need to grow into our unique shape, and that is the real reason for which we compete."

When we compete with our opponent, the winner and so-called loser both arrive at a higher level. In other words, they have combined as one and both need each other to progress. Without opponents, we will not be able to grow. Everyone wins or loses at some point but it is no shame at all because we all grow because of it.

So dear children, remember you are never alone. We are all waves in a deep river stretching to infinity and rise or fall as clusters of waves. Appreciate the group around you, because creativity occurs in clusters.

The student body murmured approvingly at Roger's inspired speech and there were some group hugs happening, together with a fresh burst of weeping. Near felt a burden lift from his heart and he blushed at the passion he sensed welling from the group. Matt whistled and clapped his hands in admiration. "Wow, Roger's surpassed himself this time, this isn't his style at all, in fact its much better, don't you think so Near?

Near gave Matt a smug smile. "Yes, it was a good speech, if I may say so myself."

"What do you mean say so yourself..."

"I don't have to bend over backwards to play nice when I can have other people do it for me." This time Near grinned through the hand covering his mouth.

"You're a big-headed bastard,you really are!!" Matt grabbed the lapels of his blazer and looked like he wanted to strangle Near, before Roger's voice rang out again. Under Roger's pointed glare, Matt automatically released Near and turned away, but not before he caught the sparkle in Near's dark eyes.

"Told you so!" Near whispered, suddenly feeling light-headed. Matt shot him a vicious look sideways.

The final exams will be postponed for a week. Tonight, everyone will go on a school trip to our branch in Brighton, where you will mingle with the other children in a sports festival. Attendance is compulsory.

Near and Matt, you are free to continue your investigation uninterrupted.

The student body was again in an uproar.

Matt froze at Roger's announcement and sat up very straight, hands on his knees. He quickly shot Near a look, then looked away, as if considering. When he turned again with a gleam in his eye, Near suddenly had a sinking sensation in his stomach and hugged himself closer to his knee.

"Come with me, Near."

"Where?", Near asked suspiciously.

Oh, just to the green room behind the stage.

Why. We shouldn't be wasting time just because the whole school is on holiday.

"No," we won't be wasting time at all. And so saying he gripped Near's shoulder and pushed him quickly through a door at the left of the stage. The sounds and lights of the main hall were immediately muffled. The vestibular space was vaulted and dimly lit by icy blue twilight filtering from the masonry laced arches. There were chairs and boxes stacked against the walls, making it appear like a storeroom.

"It's dark...!" Near protested, stopping and a little frightened by Matt's unpredictable change.

"Go on," Matt urged, his voice tight and coercive. "C'mon, Near, don't tell me you've never been here before? This is just the green room."

Actually, Near had never ventured beyond the front bench of the chapel, but didn't feel like admitting it to Matt at this point. "You're weird, man," complained Near sulkily as he pushed forward. He hoped Matt wasn't about to pull one of his stupid pranks.

"Here we are!"announced Matt, pushing open a heavy wooden door in another walled in archway. The room smelled musty and earthy, like an empty cave after rain. The block of deep blue light pouring from the end wall clearly divided the room into two. In the gloom, Near could see his white shirt and pants glowing eerily.

"Welcome to my castle!"

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Concrit welcome, thanks! D


	2. Chapter 2

FIC: PUZZLE RIVER 2/5 

Title: Puzzle River Part 2 of 5: Resignation

Fandom: Death Note

Characters: Near, Matt

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,300

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, characters belong to Ohba and Obata.

Summary: Matt and Near get into a fight about Matt leaving Wammy's House

"Welcome to my castle!"

Matt announced with an expansive gesture that took in the whole of the vaulted stone room. Arrayed against the walls were various pieces of furniture, including a couch, a desk with computer, racks of musical instruments, and an old piano. The centre of the room was left free for the eerie blue twilight to illuminate in a shimmering, almost tangible block.

"Castle? This place looks like a dump. But what are you up to Matt? This better not take too long."

"Please, make yourself comfortable," Matt continued cheerfully, oblivious to the insult. He waved vaguely at the couch while seating himself in front of the computer and firing it up.

Near coughed a little at the dusty and chilly air of the room, and choose a spot for himself on the floor instead, within the block of light suspended from the stained glass window. Matt might be wasting his time, but at least this was a moment of peace away from the madding crowd.

Gratefully pressing his palms against the mineral hardness of the chiseled limestone, Near started to feel like himself again, as stable as the earth with the vaulted ceiling stretched above him like the sky. He pulled a chunk of balsawood from his pocket and started whittling it with a penknife. A little puppet was emerging.

_Matt must be leaving._ The intuition suddenly arrived.

_He knows where Mello is._

"Matt, you're leaving, aren't you?" Near asked sharply.

Matt flinched, but continued clicking his mouse a few more times. The printer made a whirring sound before spitting out a crinkled piece of paper. He snatched the paper awkwardly then walked to where Near was and sat down in front of him.

"I'm going to Mexico. I'm taking the first flight out in the morning."

"Why? What else is more important to you than L's mission?"

"I liked your speech when you said we need to grow into our unique shape."

"Yeah right, so do I --- but I know my duty to get the job done. You're being selfish."

Matt looked aggrieved. "Don't try to make me feel guilty, Near! I've told you right from the start I didn't intend to stay til the end."

That had been part of their original agreement, yes -- but... so what?! They were being foolish. He didn't want Matt to go. And he hadn't wanted Mello to go. They should be at maximum co-operation to catch the villain and but here they were disintegrating. Why? Fools! Why were they so selfish?

"Look, Near, I'm pretty sure you don't need me anymore. I stayed an extra month just to confirm that. We've made our breakthough. You don't need any more espionage work. Its only a matter of building up the evidence now."

Near felt annoyed, "Hn...The point is, why do you want to go on your own when you can accomplish much more with me here?"

The problem is you Near! Apart from work, I can't get through to you at any level at all! You know it all! You make me want to strangle you if I didn't admire you so much!

Near's eyes sparked dangerously and he threw the puppet onto the floor, standing up and crushing it. He pushed both hands on Matt's shoulders, both stabilizing himself and keeping the taller boy in his sitting position although he could feel his muscles struggling to rise.

"No, Matt, you're the one with the problem! Is this how you repay L's trust in you? You fool! Who do you want more Kira, or ..." Near's voice dropped to a whisper...Mello?"

Near stared ferociously into Matt's eyes, watched its dark surface crack to reveal the ocean within. The answer was just as he expected. Yet he detested this submissive wreck of a man who suddenly replaced the coldly efficient persona who chased after Kira alongside him. His anger blazed at Matt's mental weakness.

Matt recovered in an instant. "Shaddup, Near! What do you know about anything at all? Both of them destroyed my life. I want neither of them! You can have it all!"

Matt lunged forward and Near lost his balance, tumbling backwards. His bones shuddered with a painful crack as they hit the floor and sparks flew through his skull a moment later. Tears leaked unbidden from the pain, but all he could see was the colour of apricot-golden hair in his eyes, A river of emotions surged through him: he still wanted Matt to stay, and he knew Matt was lying. Never more than at this moment he sensed Mello's character seething within Matt.

"You've wanted Mello ever since your London trip two years ago. I knew it! That's why you guys stopped hanging out!"

Matt eyes were coldly neutral as he strode over, knelt and cradled Near in his arms, helping him up. Light fingers probed his skull, but Near was thinking too hard to remember it hurt. He knew a lot about Matt, except that three month period he went to London with Mello. He even knew intimately the reason why Mello left, since he had been responsible for it, after all. But when they returned, Matt and Mello were no longer friends. Their friendship had died, but something else was born.

"You know a lot, don't you? Matt whispered. "But you can know and know and it never counts for a moment of life. You never understand for a moment why snow melts into rain, why a person has to die and change."

Now Near was trembling, his dark river asking him to let snow melt into rain, if not for the fear that froze every joint in his body. He simply could not even lift a finger in the direction of the unknown. Which was why he was frozen at this moment as Matt withdrew his arms and glanced at the door, listening in such silence that Near could hear their breathing mingle and the sound of childish voices coming closer.

"I'm going to share something with you, Near. If you understand even a small part of it, then maybe Mello would not have left. Maybe I wouldn't be leaving tomorrow. Maybe the poor kid wouldn't have taken those pills!"

"But one thing for sure, its not too late for you to give to these children a little bit of what L and Watari have so generously given to us and stop Wammy's House from falling to bits."

Matt rose as the voices stopped just outside the door which began to be pushed open by some primary school age kids with rucksacks. "Hello Matt!", they cried, rushing in to hug him. They froze in awe when they noticed Near behind him. "Look, its Near!", they gasped and huddled together.

"Hi," Near said glumly, though the expression was lost in the dim light.

"Where are your manners, children? Quick, give Near a hug."

Matt encouraged, and the children surrounded Near, only too eager to touch their idol. Near's coolly friendly facade convincingly hid his awkwardness at the little fingers grasping him and asking him a million questions.

"When's your bus leaving?" asked Matt as he lit up a candelabra with a lighter. The candlelight was not strong enough to illuminate the whole room, but the gloss in the racks of musical instruments picked up the light so that the boundaries of the room swam with little golden rivers outside of the ring of light. He placed the candelabra atop the piano and opened its lid with a crack.

The children were making themselves at home in the room, sprawling about on the floor and couch, some of them fiddling with the computer. About twenty minutes, one of them said, approaching the piano. "Play us something, Matt!"

Ok --- in honor of Near's presence, let's listen to one of his personal favourites.

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	3. Chapter 3

FIC: PUZZLE RIVER 3/5 

Title: Puzzle River Part 3 of 5: Dissolution

Fandom: Death Note

Characters: Near, Matt

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,300

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, characters belong to Ohba and Obata.

Summary: Matt plays a piano piece for Near that pushes his emotions to the limits

"Near, could you please come over to the piano? Could you lean against the piano please?"

"Why?"

"Just try it, it's fun."

Near complied reluctantly, just so he could get away from the endless questions of the kids. He leaned an arm across the head of the piano so that his body was alongside the edge of the piano. However, he did not face Matt, but looked into a ring of bright eyes blinking at him from the darkness alive with flickering rivers. What an odd sensation of stepping into the unknown! Did they expect him to sing or something? Feeling really awkward, he flipped around so that he could look through the window, at his own reflection in the stained glass, smoldering like a pale candle.

"Near's favourite piece must definitely be architectural," mused Matt aloud, as his fingers began searching for a steady rhythm. What is the architecture of a river, with no beginning and no end, yet ever changing?"

"Da dum dum, da dum dum" Matt had decided to build his piece upon a waltz in G-major. Near could feel its steady reverberations pass from the piano's interior to his body, like heartbeats. It was very soothing. As his left hand kept up the harmonious pattern, his right hand created a clear, crystalline motif in the upper registers.

Near nodded coldly. Yes. It reminded him of Mozart, another child prodigy.

A cold and dry melody like ice above a river. But underneath... I can hear the deep undercurrents.Matt hit the pedal and the notes blurred together slightly, stirring ripples of disquietude in Near's soul.

"A puzzle river, with no beginning and no end, yet always changing. A brief season of mist, followed by frost, and the river is locked in ice. Spring comes, the sun melts the ice. Now... "Matt allowed swathes of silence to enter his piece. "Now we hear the snow begin to melt. Listen to the passing away tones! Give each note your full attention and watch it fade paler and paler away into the dark. Then the next rising note catches the dying note. Together, the dying and the new mix."

Near had a puzzling, unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach as he could no longer discriminate between harmony and melody, they seemed to function as one. He gritted his teeth and sought desperately to recover his grip on metronome before it sank beneath his hearing.

"It sounds like a harp!" remarked one of the kids.

"Yes, it shimmers. Perhaps glistening a little in the sun?" As Matt mused, he shifted the keys to a higher register. "How does the ice feel as it melts into the river? A little frightened? A little painful?"

The chords extended themselves in the air with agonizing languor and the melody began to thrill in a fascinating, virtuoso cascade that was propelling the listeners into uncharted waters. Near saw the faces of the kids crease in tension. Matt was daring everyone to share the emotions of the snow as it melts. The torturous suspense gripped everyone and all sighed in rapt unison when the final bitonal vibrations disappeared into the night.

Clap, clap, clap. "Good Heavens Matt," came Roger's voice from the door. One must think you have 20 fingers on each hand to play such a piece.

Matt looked too exhausted to say anything to Roger, only looked at him gloomily, while the children, looking stunned, stood up like sleepwalkers.

"Come along children, the bus is waiting. Near, Matt, take care of yourselves. There will only be the two of you here tonight."

As Roger departed, shutting the door quietly behind him, Near stole a nervous glance at Matt. Matt was resting his head against the board of piano. His hair and eyelashes looked slightly damp but the sidelong look he cast Near was full of devious mischief.

So it's the two of us now? Only the two of us in Wammy's House?"

So what if it is.

Matt laughed and rubbed his hands together. "Now its time for me to do something I've always dreamt about...particularly in a church."

Near's face paled and he asked cautiously. "which is..."

Matt proceeded to pull out a pouch with brown herbs, some papers and began rolling them. He lit up with a satisfied smile. Thick tendrils of smoke climbed up into the ceiling.

Near bit back a sigh, he had somehow expected something more threatening than smoke. That was why he restrained the criticism about to fly from the tip of his tongue and simply detached himself from the piano to press his face to the rippled surface of the stained glass, from which fresh breeze was issuing from cracks. As he breathed deeply, he contemplated his position. Matt was leaving, but seemed to have planned a final confrontation with him. Something that had the smell of Mello all over it. Had Mello contacted Matt, told him to meet up in Mexico? And his own future with the powerful new team he would summon.

But as he forecast his days ahead with his immaculately powerful investigation system, he felt a sudden, spontaneous rush of nausea.

"Sick of it all, Matt. I'm so sick of the world. I've had enough." Near was shocked at his own honesty. Was it the side-effect of the foul-smelling smoke?

"What else is left for me but the endless puzzles that I solve over and over til everything starts looking like me? I know my train set so well that putting in another joint means nothing. My lego castle has been combined and recombined so many times its all gone sour and stale. Everything is just me, me, me, locking together like the puzzles. I'm locked in my own mind!!!"

"Yes, the world must seem boring to a genius like you. Everything is too clear to be a challenge. But is it really? Take a test. Why don't you follow me, Near. We can leave together. Matt offered quietly. "Or do you hate freedom?"

"Shaddup Matt!"How many times had Near also longed to spread his wings in delight, rather than serve as the arrow of truth flying unerringly to its target? But he always held back because of duty.

"Its my duty to build up L's legacy. Who's going to take care of Wammy's House when all of you leave for your selfish reasons?" Near's fingers had stopped twirling his hair and begun to rub his temples instead. The more he suppressed his anxiety, the more his veins throbbed.

"Duty again? When will you get tired of using that excuse? I've been watching you, Near. I know you in and out. One day, when no one can stand being around you, you'll figure out the truth."

"There should be the three of us here, isn't it Near? We could've been Coil, Daneuve and L but we're too foolish to do it, aren't we? The ironic thing is you can only function as part of a group, yet you squeeze the life out of everyone around you with your capable fists."

"Tell me how the ice will feel without the sun to melt it"

_Will you be the new god of boredom?_

The tension that Near had been feeling all day suddenly struck, perhaps exacerbated by the smoke. His head was splitting and ears ringing. Near sank down slowly onto the stone floor and lost consciousness.

-----


	4. Chapter 4

FIC: PUZZLE RIVER 4/5 

Title: Puzzle River Part 4 of 5: The Missing Pieces

Fandom: Death Note

Characters: Near, Matt

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,700

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, characters belong to Ohba and Obata.

Summary: Near has a nightmare which reveals his deep fear of the missing pieces. Matt reveals the issues he must settle before leaving.

_Near stays on the shore because he's terrified of what he can't see in the river._

The dead river is frozen like a grey slug in the misty, frosty air. It shatters and large plates of ice are cracking everywhere so that it looks like a giant puzzle Mello's running on top of the giant puzzle and there are dark pools of missing pieces everywhere _Look out, Mello! Stop!_ And sure enough he falls with a big splash into river beneath the puzzle. Matt appears out of nowhere and pulls Mello out and they continue running, further and further away.

And Near rushes to fix the puzzle! _Hurry! The missing pieces!_

But there are no more pieces as he's already used up all the pieces that came in the box!

Warm arms cradle Near and he felt kind dark eyes on his face. It was L! _I missed you so much! _

_Why are you so frightened?_ L asks and Near starts to tremble uncontrollably. _I can't find the missing pieces._

_Hmm,_ says L, holding up the box above his head. _There's no picture on this box..._

Near grabs the box from L and stares at it and all he can see are _random patterns of black and white._ The puzzle was supposed to look like this?! _It can't be!!_

_No, it's supposed to look like this!_ says Mello's voice. His sunny face beams down in front of the sitting Near and rains puzzles into his hair. What're you gonna do when your world is falling apart and the sky is raining puzzles? Mello laughs and he's gone. Near is alone again.

_I need the missing pieces! Where are the missing pieces?_

Near cursed as he swept his hand across his field of Gundams, the trains and the robots. He dived into his mountain of toys and emerged with something soft in his hand: a duck. _Fool! He needed the missing pieces!_

"What do you want, Near," asked Matt.

"Where are the missing pieces?"

"What missing pieces?"

Near felt warm arms cradle him again. "The puzzle...!" he mumbled, tears clouding his vision.

He heard, felt and smelt Matt crouching next to him. "Here."

Matt shoved something into his hand, and Near looked stupidly at it, feeling it again, looking at it again until he finally understood he was looking at a white piece of puzzle but not what he was looking for.

"Near..Near"you were dreaming, Matt voice sounded soft and concerned.

"Hn, I knew that." Near muttered to avoid embarrassment. He had fallen asleep on the floor, something he tended when his brain became overloaded.

"Sure you did." Matt gave him a hug, which he disliked but at the moment felt safe enough to let the puzzle drop from his inert fingers. "Matt," he groaned into the other boys shoulder. "What have you done to me?"

What was Matt's intention?

Near was sitting in his usual position with one foot raised and one hand twirling his hair. In order to hug him, Matt had also knelt with one foot raised. An odd symmetry, but reassuring. Near wished he could forget he was fifteen and had never learnt to talk except to his toys. Without his toys or puzzles, he would be unhinged.

I'm suffering from toy deprivation,Near realized. He'd gone for nearly an hour without his manual fixation. But here, in front of him was another big toy, full of loose pieces to rearrange. This was the first time it occurred to him to play Pygmalion with Matt, because the boy was a very fast worker who would disappear once he got his tasks done, so Near was hardly reminded to find fault with him.

"Now, let's see what you're made of, Matt," thought Near as he entered Matt's psyche, feeling, breathing, becoming Matt, like another exercise in criminal psychology, except this time a light fire was running down the right side of his body and his neck was burning where it lingered too close to Matt's. Like him, Matt's dark river was strong, but hidden. Near flinched a little at the threshold. Was he only exchanging the dark river from his nightmare for another in reality?

"Why are you doing all this, Matt?" Near began his interrogation. "Saying these things to me?"

"I'm only trying to reach you...in order to say goodbye."

Immediately the painful memories of apricot-golden hair, L and Watari resurfaced. "Goodbye? So why did you say nothing to Roger and the kids?"

"Its not those who are here that live on in me. It's time for me to say goodbye to my whole identity tied up with this institute: L, Watari, YOU...before it eats me alive."

"You mean you hate Wammy's House that much?"

No Near...because I love Wammy's House too much. I was would have followed L anywhere, even to hell, and later... Mello. Matt bowed his head in anguished conflict, confessing what Near had suspected all along. There has never been a day that I have stopped missing him. Yet it is all wrong for me. It's against my principles to live like that. I have to be free.

I've got no issues about being third in Wammy's House. I couldn't care less if I were third from the last. But its these bonds that keep me longing for the past that I have to break away from. I still have whatever's left of my life and I'm not going down to hell without a fight.

Unconsciously, Near had hugged Matt, whispering :"No one's going to hell tonight."

Somehow he understood how Matt felt.

Matt flinched and turned so that the two sat back to back. Nears hands were trembling a little and he suddenly remembered his penknife and the balsawood. He started chiseling away methodically, unsure what to make. He already had a full rack of finger puppets in his room, perfectly crafted. Suddenly he felt like crushing them all.

"I'm not an orphan, Near. I ran away from home. By the time I got here I'd already changed 4 or 5 homes and felt nothing at all. I had no feelings for real people. How is it that I can remember Zelda's birthday and his favorite food when I sometimes forget my own last name? But it all changed on the first day I got here."

"It's such a weird experience that I wonder if I hallucinated it. I mean, I had been flying for 18 hours, it was my first day and I was meeting so many new people I probably got confused. Even if I dreamt it, it still counted because everything was different after that."

"So what happened? I put my bags in my room and went to class right away. I looked around for an empty seat, but the only one I saw was right in front of Mrs Snider's desk. Of course I didn't want to sit there, so I looked at the back of the classroom again, where its bright because of that large bay window with leaves pressing against it in the wind┘ and there was this cocky figure standing there joking with some boys. I couldn't see her face -- her face was in shadows because of the green leaves and the golden sunshine behind... but her eyes met mine and I was sliding across the coldest pair of dark eyes I had ever seen and it was blinding me like a solar eclipse."

"I mean, I recognized her...like someone from a recurring dream, even before I knew I had such a dream and I've never even seen her before. She was so familiar to me, her attitude, her dress so much like me?? That's what was so weird, because I recognized her, and so from that day onwards I knew who I was."

"Who was that? Near asked, though coming from Matt with such reverence, he wondered aloud Are you sure you didn't just see Mello in a dress?" and sniggered.

"It's not...It can't be...Mello doesn't look like that in a dress."

"What!" Near's penknife slid across his finger, and blood welled up, falling into the darkness like a shiny rivulet.

"Yup, that's a major drawback to hanging out with Mello. You never know when he's gonna show up in a dress. But I don't think you needed to cut yourself."

Suddenly, Matt was hauling Near up by the waist and he felt dizzy lined up against Matt's body. His face was pressed against the taller boy's chest. He could Matt's body shaking with suppressed laughter as he threw an arm around his shoulder.

"Hey!" Near protested.

"There's only the two of us here tonight. Why don't we settle the business about Mello? Mello's obsessed with you! That means you're my rival! Now I have to kill you."

Near gasped in pain as Matt twisted his arm around his back and tied his wrists together.

_L's not going to forgive me if I die like this!_ he thought, before the more plausible explanation hit him. "Is this a joke Matt? Let me go! This is not funny at all!"

"Eventually. But I have to give you my farewell present first." Matt grinned, "**To play this game, the only rule is that you trust me, no matter what**."Near felt Matt's arm grab his waist and propel him forward.

With one on the door handle, he suddenly stopped and said coldly. "After all my ups and downs with Mello, we gained full trust in each other. That's really what I wanted to share with you tonight. _Trust me Near,_ or we're not stepping out the door together."

"Stop wasting my time and let's just finish this!" Near hissed.

"Thank you. Now prove it."

Near leaned back against Matt until he could feel the muscles tensing behind him. "You trust me too, Matt. Near was willing to fall if Matt didn't grab him, just to prove his point.

"Hey...you're heavy, man," Rumbled Matt's chest and Near felt himself stumbling through the door into darkness.

-----


	5. Chapter 5

FIC: PUZZLE RIVER 5/5 

Title: Puzzle River Part 5 of 5: Final Farewell

Fandom: Death Note

Characters: Near, Matt

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,150

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, characters belong to Ohba and Obata.

Summary: Matt appears to want to settle scores with Near over Mello, but reveals his final farewell gift to Near.

Near faced the pond in the woods outside Wammy's House. It was frozen over and glowed faintly, illuminated by the innocently white crescent moon. He suddenly felt very small, floating high above the lake ringed by black pines and seeing him and Matt like two tiny black figures walking side by side casting bleached shadows approaching the scene of their final confrontation. Then he was on land again, with dried blood was on his fingers, dried tears on his face and his only friend left at Wammy's House pushing him to walk on the ice.

"Untie me, or I'm going to drown." It had only started snowing after January, so Near glumly figured that the ice was probably too thin to hold the both of them.

"Take a risk"

Suddenly, Near didn't feel like arguing anymore. He had enough of Matt's mental attacks and none of them brave enough to mention Mello. He walked directly to the shore and stepped onto the ice. It felt very flat beneath his feet, and it amazed him that this was probably the first time he had walked on ice. He scuffed his foot at how stable it was. _I'm not going to die, L, _he thought with relief, This might even be fun. Matt's not the only one crazy tonight.

Near walked with a very straight back towards the center of the lake, and he never slipped once nor looked behind. Matt better know what he was doing, but to Near it was a distant concern. He blinked at the iridescent particles that hung in the moonlit landscape. Was the air swarming with frost, or just how life looks on the liminal edge? _Anything can happen,_ and it was suddenly ok. What was this delicious fire ignited in his heart?

A sound like a sagging crunch emitted from beneath his feet, and the ice swayed like a rocking table. He had reached the danger zone. But something perverse kept him pushing on, until the scene from his nightmare appeared. Plates of ice cracked around him like a shattering spider web, so that it looks like a giant white puzzle. But where were the missing pieces? Everything still locked perfectly.

Breath knocked out of him as the missing piece yawned directly beneath him.

Near crashed into the dark river.

Freezing pain shot through his body, Near's mind panicked. His eyes burned, but he could see nothing but darkness. He kicked desperately but a heavy weight kept pulling him down. Silent streams were bearing him forcefully away from the bright spot in the darkness.

Adrenaline must have strengthened him, for he succeed in retarding his fall and started floating upwards instead.

Near's mind rejoiced._ I did it! I did it, L!_ Why was he so happy to see the faint greenish light filtering from the broken tabletops of ice down into unknown sea cathedral that pulled him with swaying fingers? Near grinned devilishly into the unknown and his feet pumped the water vigorously until he felt himself floating up towards the brightest column of light.

There was a splash and he saw Matt diving towards him. After a few shearing movements, Near felt his hands free and he swam towards the surface. He thankfully grabbed hold of the rim of the ice then flung his arms out to climb out. He couldn't move. His arms were not strong enough!

Near gasped again when he got a hard shove on his buttocks from beneath the water. He blushed enormously. He tried hooking his leg over the ice as Matt persistently buoyed him up, and managed to flop belly first onto the ice. As he lay panting, Matt's pale face appeared over the rim of the ice and he looked sheepish. Behind him tiny white fragments of ice tinkled with each movement of the lapping dark water. This is exactly like my dream, with the ice like pieces of puzzle floating up. The way the positive and the negative pieces of ice and water locked together it suddenly formed a comprehensive whole. The puzzle is complete! Even though he was out of breath, Near started laughing hysterically. He hadn't been so amused in such a long time.

Now it's a real mess, and its perfect!

Mello's sunny face beams down in front Near What're you gonna do when your world is falling apart and the sky is raining puzzles? Mello laughs and suddenly Near's laughing too.

"No, why do I care, I'm not afraid anymore. Let it rain as it will."

! Near was so delighted he reached out and gripped Matts shoulder. But Matt seemed transfixed by the dark water lapping. Oblivious to touch. What's bothering him? Is he looking for something in the water?

"You trusted me," Matt finally spoke. "Thank you."

"Just so you know, I didn't mean that rivalry thing. But its not the same. I still miss Mello. But I can't live like that. What am I going to do?"

"Mello can go anywhere he wants. It's not my business to interfere. The problem is me. I miss him so much, maybe I can't even be friends with anyone else?"

//...Missing part here, WIP, but Near shows a new side that reminds Matt of Mello...//

At first eyes flashed in anger, but widened immediately sudden shock, fear and awe. "You! - " He immediately lowered his gun and grabbed hold of Nears small body as if afraid Near would disappear. His grip was possessive, urgent, then he raised his eyes again, broken with tears.

"Will I never be free, Near?"

Then he quickly turned and flung himself to the ground, grabbing his head in his hands. He was trembling like a wind blown skeleton.

Nears goes over to Matt. _He's opened the door for me, what can I do for him? If I've learnt anything, its to trust these unknown emotions._ Near knelt next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. Matt looked up with a subdued look, recovering already. Matt's eyes, dark, admiring, cold, frowning, lips turned down. _Beautiful...! He needed...What was it?_

_Matt needs...the same thing?_

_I hate this, but Matt's too beautiful right now...I have to... he said he wanted to break bonds... let's go for it._

The look they shared...

// ... incomplete scene//

_Did that help you to say goodbye?_

Matt wept as if his heart would break.

"Now you know why it can't be explained, N."

"This all this that we don't know coming from the future and from the past...these are the missing pieces that are there so that life can evolve."

---

"Come with me to Mexico." Matt offered.

"No, I still have my duty"but I'll go down to Brighton, and share a little of what you've taught me."

"Matt, you've helped me find my missing pieces. I hope you will find yours too...whatever form it takes."

"I don't think it'll be easy to find a piano where you are going, so here's my farewell present: PSP portable!

-Fin-


End file.
